Haven’t checked for typos, feel free to let me know: I’ve been getting hugs. Snuggles. Kisses. Late nights. . I don’t sleep a lot lately…thinking on this relationship. Learning to communicate…probably just like a child does…learning to communicate my needs…and seek to fulfill their needs…or desires. To be in covenant. To truly love. . I’ve been walking alone and my hand has been grabbed. It’s been tugged on. …and it’s what I’ve always wanted. . I’ve been alone in the night and I’ve gotten an alert that…I’m being pursued. . I’ve travelled to cities lately. . …and I’ve been sung over…literally..sung over…to remind my that I’m loved, valued. . Lately I’ve been Pursued. . I’ve led this life…sorta always looking for, someone who would sing over me like I try to sing over the world… . Even more recently, though, when I noticed this pursuit… . After I noticed these flowers that have been showing up in my bed. . After I noticed the voice that’s been consistently close to my ear. . After I noticed the forehead to forehead contact that reminds me that I’m seen. . After I noticed the one who knows where my feet have been. . After I saw…the one who finishes my thoughts…and knows how to draw the most out of me. How to call me up, and knows how to dress me for battle…to point me to battle… I noticed, that the pursuit ended. I’m alone. It’s quiet. He’s not speaking. No alerts. No suprises. .
People have found me, as their made their rounds… “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
My gut is somewhere below the earth. My heart is literally vacant…and I can’t find enough air.
All night long I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked but I did not find! If I found my lover, I would not let them go…
What I’ve realized though, is that I haven’t been abandoned. I haven’t been forsaken and left bewildered and as the only one seeking relationship. …because I’ve heard this song, even when my lover has been missing,
Come away with me… Come away with me…
But where are you right now? While I feel alone…and unsafe? I just want to get back to that spot where you romance me..woo me. Tell me of wild stories and adventure!
Come with me into the mountains. Come with me to summits you don’t know about yet!
But as I say yes… As quickly as He came!
MY LOVER IS GONE AGAIN!
…and again! I hear my friends and family say loudly…
How is your beloved better than others? How is your beloved better?
So I tell them! About the songs! The joy! The commitment! The warmth and the way my lover understands me. The way I’m loved and known! I see my friends faces turn…that’s when they ask a different question,
Where has your lover gone? How can we find your lover? Can we come with you?
…I keep looking…and even now theres a few of us looking together for my lover.
“I am my beloved’s! And my beloved is mine!” I say… (I learn to say) “Why, lover? Did you choose me? And where are you?” “Why do you love me…I’m so dark and unworthy! I just want to be near you! Let me in your chambers!”
…then the sun is rising. …then the stars are shining. …then the moon is fair. I’m walking to a garden. My friends are telling me not to go away…but I must go into the garden! I hear the song. I feel the warmth. There are eyes on me. I am known. I am seen. Fear has wilted.
I find myself coming away from the wilderness…and I’m being carried…I’m leaning on my identity in Him.
Then He reminds me. My lover points to my right arm.
He says, “Place me like a seal on your arm…”
I think about the mountains that it took to get me into this garden. The unknowns! I felt a little lost! I felt super weak!
My lover points to my chest.
I felt…so dependent!
He says, “Place me like a seal over your heart…”
I hear His song.
I think about how I left my friends…other lovers…my family for this garden.
He says, “Love is as strong as death…”
He screams, “I am a jealous as the grave! “
He says, “This love we have…cannot be extinguished! It’s not a passion of the moment. It’s a life. It’s years. It’s a battle. It’s a field to be tended. It’s a decision to forsake safety.”
He promises, “My banner over you is love…not safety…or comfort.”
…I suppose this is what it’s like to be hotly pursued with burning eyes. Song of Solomon. 1-8.